Things the 71A Has Taught My Wardrobe

So, I hate buses. I think anyone reading this (the 3 friends that know of its existence) knows that I hate buses. Because, hey, I'm stuck-up. Also, I like to get places on time. I don't like to be touched by strangers. I don't want to sit next to someone I don't know. Anyway, because I'm afraid that if I read on a bus I'll miss my stop, I'm trapped in a small space for a half hour on the way to work with nowhere to look.

This has turned out to be a wonderful gift. Because I'm a really nice person, and like to share things, I thought I'd pass along the five things I learned on the 71A.

Things the 71A has taught my wardrobe:

1. Quiznos bags are an acceptable weave cover.


Acceptable substitutes:

    a. An umbrella.
    b. A hat.
    c. Spend a little extra for the waterproof extensions.



2. White, calf-length leggings make EVERYONE look skinny.

   Acceptable substitutes:

      a. Black calf-length leggings.
      b. calf-length leggings in ANY OTHER COLOR.
      c. Tights as pants.


3. The best way to hide your beer gut is in lavender, long-sleeve Underarmor.

   Acceptable substitutes:

       a. A cotton t-shirt, relaxed enough to allow eyes to glance over the gentle slope of exposed belly.
       b. A coat, so the Underarmor is actually UNDER something.
       c. ANYTHING ELSE.


4. Shoes are optional.

   Acceptable substitutes:

       a. Flip-flops with unpainted toenails when it's raining.
       b. Uggs with shorts.
       c. Cowboy boots.


5. Because bags are an important fashion staple, these accessories should be chosen with care. The only backpack you should take on the bus is THE BIGGEST BACKPACK OF ALL TIME.

     Acceptable substitutes:

       a. The biggest purse of all time.
       b. Twenty-seven re-usable grocery bags, crammed into the seat beside you.
       c.  A kitten in a cat carrier.